updated December 2023

As a non-meat-eater, I'm not partial to "fake meat" as a rule. If I wanted to eat meat, I'd eat meat; I don't need a wheat gluten simulation of duck to make me happy. The exception is veggie breakfast sausages (or as we call them, "snausages") for which I have a weakness, mostly because sausage isn't about the meat, it's about the spices. Anyway, I've pretty much had all the brands, so some ratings. Note that I haven't eaten actual pork sausage since 1985, so don't expect any comparisons to real meat.

MorningStar Farms Original or Hot Patties: the ubiquitous supermarket brand, vegetarian but not vegan. The "hot" ones are pleasantly spicy, but either variety could stand to have more interesting spicing. Texture is clearly TVP-based. The best thing about these is the name; as my sweetie points out, they must be made with "Seitan" (English major humor). Not vegan. B

MorningStar Farms Links: The same as the patties, only in link shape. The only decent link-shaped snausages left. They're better if you overcook them a bit; a little char adds needed flavor. Not vegan. B

Moringstar Farms Vegan Patties: Morningstar introduced a vegan variant, and not in a good way. These patties have a mushy texture and leave fibrous reside on the tongue. It's like they took their vegetarian patties and just left the eggs and wheat gluten out, without replacing them. D

Boca: (unobtainium) in my opinion the best of the veggie sausage lot. Links only, and only one type, but that one type is heavily seasoned with a variety of spices (including garlic, sage and oregano), and reasonably good however you cook them. Which is why, of course, they are no longer made. A

Gimme Lean: a play on "Jimmie Dean" these veggie sausages come in "chubs" which you need to slice into patties yourself, like "real" pork sausage. They've been "seasoned" with nitrates to give them that "real pork smell", which does make them taste "authentically" like bargain-basement cheap pork sausage of dubious ingredients and safety. D-

Trader Joe's Patties: these used to be pretty good, slightly better than MorningStar patties, but then TJ's switched suppliers to one who doesn't believe in seasoning their TVP and wheat gluten except with salt, and I'm pretty convinced uses cardboard as a filler. These taste like suffering. F

Quorn: Unlike all of the others, Quorn (a European brand) is not made from TVP and gluten: it's made from some kind of ground-up fungus. This gives it a nice mushroomy flavor, not particulary like meat but pleasant on its own. The links have a much better texture than the patties, which are a bit dry. B

Field Roast Apple Maple Breakfast Sausage: these are small and chubby like Vienna sausages. Good texture, but they taste more like sweet potato casserole than sausage, and they come covered in sticky goo. D

Amy's: you'd think the Queen Bee of vegetarian foods would do a better job on veggie sausages, but you'd be wrong. These are basically just Amy's Veggie Burgers, extruded into sausage shape. D-

Sol Cuisine: if I'd noticed that these were "wheat and gluten free" I wouldn't have bought them. The lack of gluten makes for a mushy texture, and they don't have enough spices. Otherwise not bad. C-

LightLife Sausage Links: it's lovely to find a vegan sausage maker who believes in using real spices. Too bad they're not any good at it. The links taste overwhelmingly of sage; their larger sausages beat you over the head with fennel. C-

Gardein Breakfast Sausage Patties: not bad, a lot like the original Morningstar Farms patties, only with a bit of herbs and better texture. Probably the best general supermarket brand. B

Home made snausages: given the ridiculous price of veggie sausage — somehow TVP is cheap filler in a real burger, but becomes expensive when in a box by itself — a number of times I've made my own from mushrooms, onions, wheat gluten powder, TVP, whole garlic and lots of spices. Pretty good, but high-effort and I've never quite gotten the texture right. Also, I can only do patties this way, not links. B+

Hilary's Spicy Veggie Sausage: vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, nut-free, corn-free, everything-free, these taste about how you'd expect: like cardboard fiber fill with a hint of Tabasco. D-

Beyond Breakfast Sausage, Spicy: like other Beyond Meat products, these have a better texture than most of their competitors, and even give off a convincing amount of rendered fat when fried. But the "spicy" is just hot without any particular pepper flavor; I'd have liked more seasonings to go with the capsaicin. C

Impossible Breakfast Patties: Very meaty, solid patties that don't have the vegetable fat of their Beyond competitors. These have more "heft" than most of the snausages on this list, and are probably meant for biscuit sandwiches. Their main flaw is that they taste overwhelmingly of fennel; if they could fix the spicing, they would move into first place. C+

Meatless Farm Veggie Sausage Links/Patties: snausages always have to balance between taste and texture, because you really can't have both. MF picks a middle-of-the-road route; they're not as "realistic" textured as Beyond, but they have a better overall flavor. Note that the patties are intended to go on sausage biscuits, and as such are a bit large for serving alongside eggs. C+.

Jack & Annie's Savory Breakfast Sausage: You know that eventually someone needed to try making snausages with jackfruit, and this is that brand. These are mainly meant for sausage sandwiches, so they're wide and thin. They're also dense and chewy, in a "meaty" way, but very bland. C-

Nature's Fynd Breakfast Patties: the brand advertises how it is a fungal protein instead of legume-based, and that's completely believeable, because these patties taste like mushroom croquettes. What they don't taste like is sausage. It would have helped if they'd added any spices of any kind, but apparently that would interfere with the "natural fermentation". Suggest using these as filling for mushroom pirogi instead. D

Ready for the ultimate autumn brunch food, courtesy of Little House on the Prairie? It's fried apples & onions. One thing Laura Ingalls Wilder could do is cook the American comfort food of the nineteenth century, and this is it. Besides, it's early November and if your grocer is anything like mine they've got huge stacks of 11 varieties of apples.

Speaking of which: when you fry apples, like you do in this recipe, you do not want soft, sweet apples like Red Delicious or Fuji; they will turn to mush. You want crisp, tart apples like Granny Smith, McIntosh or Braeburn.

Anyway, the recipe:

• 2 to 3 large onions, halved, peeled and sliced, 3-4 cups.
• 3 to 4 apples, peeled and sliced, 2-3 cups
• 3 Tbs butter and/or vegetable oil
• Salt & pepper

Heat a large, deep pan such as a 12" cast iron pan over medium-high heat. Add the oil/butter and saute the onions, stirring infrequently, until limp and starting to brown, 10 to 15 minutes. Add the apple slices and fry for another 10 to 15 minutes, until the apples are limp and starting to caramelize. Season with salt and pepper sufficient to make this a savory dish. Serve.

For an extra-special brunch, top with poached or fried eggs.

My sweetie tells me that if I ever publish a cookbook it'll be titled "Makes About A Quart" because everthing I make seems to make between a quart and a half-gallon. This hummus is no exception; there in the handmade bowl (with cone 9 bronze glaze) is around a quart of my hummus. However, since you can make a quart of hummus for the cost of buying a half-pint of it at the store, and it'll be tastier to boot, why not go for it?

This is a non-traditional hummus, but very tasty and popular. I created the recipe by improving one I got out of The 30-Minute Vegetarian Gourmet in 1991, and have refined it over the 80 or so times I've made it over the last 17 years.

This hummus keeps in the fridge for 7-12 days and freezes reasonably well, though, so there's no reason not to make a bunch and save some for later.

• 1 large (or two medium) onion, sliced, about 1½ cups.
• 6-10 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped into large pieces
• 2 tbs olive oil, pref. Kalamata
• 2 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp Aleppo pepper, paprika, or smoked paprika
• ½ to 1 cup chopped parsley
• 3 14-oz cans chickpeas (or fava beans), drained
• ¾ cup tahini (raw sesame paste) (see note)
• ¼ cup lemon juice (plus more to taste)
• 3 tsp salt
• Up to ½ cup Kalamata olive oil
• Up to 1 cup warm salted water, bean cooking water, or stock
• Equipment: frying pan, food processor

Heat 2 tbs Kalamata olive oil in the frying pan. Saute the onions and garlic until limp. Add the cumin and pepper or paprika, stir for 30 seconds, then take off heat. Stir in the parsley until it wilts, then let cool.

Process the fried onion mixture and most of the other ingredients in 2 or 3 batches in a food processor.

Make sure to have some of all ingredients in each batch, in this order bottom-to-top: onions & garlic, chickpeas, tahini, lemon juice, salt, ½ of the olive oil. Process until smooth, adding a little olive oil and a little warm salted water as needed to get a smooth creamy consistency. Olive oil makes it richer, water makes it lighter.

Serve immediately with toasted pita, or keep in the fridge for up to 8 days, or in the freezer for several weeks. Smooth the surface and cover with a layer of olive oil for better keeping.

* Note on Chickpeas: instead of cans, you can cook the chickpeas or fava beans (or a mix) yourself. You want about 5 cups of beans, which means starting with 1¾ cups of dried chickpeas. If you cook them with 1 tsp baking soda in the water, they will be softer and make a creamier, smoother hummus.

* Note on Tahini: if tahini is very expensive in your area, or hard to find, but you can get raw sesame seeds (say, from a Mexican market), you can substitute 1 cup of sesame seeds plus 2 tbs sesame oil for the tahini in the recipe above. Make sure to put them on the bottom so they grind well.

• 1 bunch Tuscan cabbage (lacinato kale), about 1lbs (400g)
• 4-6 cloves garlic (depending on size), peeled whole
• 1/4 cup good olive oil
• 1 lemon
• 1 tsp or so salt
• 1/2 tsp nutmeg
• pepper grinder
• 3 to 6oz parmigiano, pecorino romano, or similar Italian grating cheese
• 1lbs (400g) potato gnocchi (store bought or home-made)
• two large pots, skewer, cheese grater, blender/food processor, cup measure

Fill both pots with warm water and put them on the stove to heat. One is for the gnocchi; salt the water as you normally would. The other is for the kale; salt it substantially, with at least 1 tsp salt.

Trim, chop and wash the kale. While the kale is soaking, but the garlic cloves on the skewer and poach them in the kale cooking pot for about 4 minutes. This will tame their flavor; otherwise you will end up with "gnocchi al Hulk".

When the garlic is poached, put the kale in the water and cook it for 1 to two minutes. If you are looking to preserve the brightest color scoop it out and dunk it in cold water. Otherwise, just drain the pot, reserving 1 cup of the salty kale water.

Put the blanched kale, garlic, olive oil, 1 squeeze of lemon (around 1 tsp), nutmeg, and several grinds of pepper (around 1/4 tsp) in the blender or food processor. Puree until reduced to a sauce consistency; if it's too thick, add the reserved kale water a little at a time until it's fairly smooth. Adjust seasonings for balance, using salt, pepper, and additional squeezes of lemon juice if required.

Cook the gnocchi in the other pot. Drain and toss the gnocchi with the pesto. Serve, and top with generous gratings of the cheese, or better: hand your guests the cheese and a hand-grater to serve themselves.

Variations:

• Spring version: replace the garlic cloves with 3-4 stalks blanched green garlic.
• Creamy version: add 1 cup ricotta cheese to the pesto when pureeing.
• Nutty version: add 1/2 cup toasted pine nuts or almonds to the pesto while pureeing.

If you used to follow my food blog, you'll notice that it hasn't updated in a while. This is because it was based on Serendipity, which was a great blogging platform once-upon-a-time, but is now showing its age and is no longer working properly on my Linode virtual server. So I've finally started a new blog using an open source blogging platform called Ghost, which I'm liking a lot. The current theme is by Marcos Navarro.

With this change in platform will come a change in content as well: this blog is going to focus a lot more on my pottery and ceramics work and business, and only partly on food and cooking. I will be gradually porting posts from my old blog though.

Obviously this blog will need a bit of work on presentation and style too. More to come!